Where to
which way
back to bed
anyway
5/24/10
Pizazz
Monday evening, late February in a Wisconsin strip mall. A seedy cafe between the local DMV and a tattoo parlor. The red neon letters F-U-N convey the title of the establishment, but due to severe budget cuts, only the letters F and U are illuminated. Inside, six tables are arranged in what is almost a circle, and the run down speakers of the cafe's very old fashioned sound system interrupt the oddly low energy Ukrainian trance music with the occasional spew and pop. No employees appear to be working, though loud buzzes and hums can be heard from behind the tiny door situated a few feet behind the counter.
A young woman is seated at the table closest to the door. Legs crossed and head bowed, she appears uninterested but her dim blue eyes are somehow buried in a book entitled “Don't Bother”; the author's name sits underneath the title in tiny letters, but to the naked eye is illegible due to it's loopy and consolidated type-face. Though her head is buried, her eyes don't move, as if she is reading the same sentence or the same word over and over again.
Cafe FU(N) is empty except for blue eyes, but she isn't bothered by it.
A young man enters, sporting bright and curious green eyes and a warm smile. All necessary information about the cafe is right in front of him, but he still feels the need to look around. His bright eyes meet the tip of her buried head. He doesn't know her name, but that doesn't seem at all important. He decides to approach her.
Green Eyes: Hi there!
Her blues eyes remained situated in the exact same spot and the greeting is met with no response, but he speaks again.
Green Eyes: How are you doing?
Without changing the position of her eyes, she responds; Busy is what I am and how I'm doing.
Green Eyes chuckles sincerely. Blue Eyes is not at all amused. Failing to take the hint, Green Eyes continues: Busy! It's the only way to be!
Blue Eyes doesn't appear to agree or disagree with the statement.
Green Eyes: Anyway! One busy person to another, would you mind if I sat down?
Her blue eyes finally lift to meet his bright green ones with great irritation.
Blue Eyes: Yes, I do.
Green Eyes: Sorry?
Blue Eyes: Yes, I would mind if you sat down.
Green Eyes: I'm not sure I understand. Is that a 'yes'?
Blue Eyes: Not at all. It's in fact a 'no'.
Green Eyes: No? Why can't I sit here?
Blue Eyes: Because I don't want you to sit here. I'm sitting here.
Green Eyes: I see you sitting here, that's why I want to sit here.
Blue Eyes: There are five other empty tables, why won't you sit at one of those?
Green Eyes: Because I want to sit at this table.
Blue Eyes: You know what, fine, go ahead, you may sit at this table.
Green Eyes continues to smile and slowly sits down. As soon as he does, Blue Eyes picks up her book and moves to the next table over, and after sitting down, re-crosses her legs and re-buries her eyes in the book. Green Eyes is confused and can't seem to imagine why anyone wouldn't want to talk to him. Green Eyes reacted as he always does when he's confused; he investigates what it was that was confusing. He stands up from the table, moves to the next table over and stands across from Blue Eyes. Her blues eyes meet his green eyes once again.
Blue Eyes: You asked me if you could sit at that table, and I said yes.
Green Eyes: You did.
Blue Eyes: So, why are you no longer sitting at that table?
Green Eyes: I'm not satisfied with that table.
Blue Eyes: And why not?
Green Eyes: Because I want to sit at this table.
Blue Eyes: Why do you now want to sit at this table?
Green Eyes: Because you are sitting at this table.
Blue Eyes: I know I'm sitting at this table.
Green Eyes: May I sit at this table?
Blue Eyes: No you may not.
Green Eyes: Why not?
Blue Eyes: Because I'm sitting at this table.
Green Eyes: I know, and that's why I would like to sit at this table.
Blue Eyes: I know that, but the fact that I am sitting at this table is exactly why you may not sit at this table.
Green Eyes, still failing to take the hint, points out the obvious.
Green Eyes: You're stubborn.
Blue Eyes: Excuse me?
Green Eyes: I said you're stubborn. A lot like my dog. Do you have a dog?
Blue Eyes: No, I hate dogs. I'm a cat lover.
Eye color is no longer the definitive characteristic differentiating the two people. Dog Lover continues to pester Cat Lover.
Dog Lover: What is it that you're busy with this evening.
Cat Lover: Things.
Dog Lover: What sort of things?
Cat Lover: Important things.
Dog Lover: Tell me more about these important things.
Cat Lover: No.
Dog Lover: If you can't tell me what it is that makes these things important, then they aren't really important, are they?
Cat Lover: Why are you asking so many questions?
Dog Lover: There's an important thing! One busy person to another, it's important to ask questions.
Cat Lover: I guess so.
Dog Lover: So, may I sit here?
Cat Lover: Yes, go ahead and sit here, see what happens.
Dog Lover: Thank you.
Cat Lover: Sure.
Dog Lover sits once again, as Cat Lover, once again, gathers her things and moves to the next table over. Alone at the table, once again, Dog Lover remains confident and also moves to the next table over.
Dog Lover: When were you born?
Cat Lover: What?
Dog Lover: I said, when were you born?
Cat Lover: I know, I heard you. Why do you keep on bothering me?
Dog Lover: Am I bothering you?
Cat Lover: Yes, in case you haven't already noticed.
Dog Lover: In addition to being busy, I'm a very curious person, so just answer my question, in what month were you born?
Cat Lover: March.
Dog Lover: Great! I was born in June!
March Birthday: Okay.
June Birthday: So, can I sit at this table?
March Birthday, without answering the question, closes her book and moves to yet another empty table, this time on the opposite end of the room. June Birthday's confidence is not at all diminished, and he follows March Birthday to her new location. March Birthday, well aware of June Birthday's intentions, immediately switched tables again. This pattern continued until both March Birthday and June Birthday had moved in between all six tables inside the cafe. March Birthday was now seated at the table closest to the counter, with June Birthday standing at the opposite end of the table.
March Birthday: Okay, this is getting ridiculous.
June Birthday: I don't understand, you and I appear to be the only two people inside this cafe, why don't you want to talk to me.
March Birthday: Just because you're the only other person inside this cafe doesn't necessarily mean that you're the kind of person I want to talk to.
June Birthday: Were you ever married?
March Birthday: WHAT?
June Birthday: Wer-
March Birthday: I know, I know, I heard you! No! You happy? I've never been married! I've been alone for almost my whole life.
June Birthday: That's unfortunate. I've been married twice, and neither marriage was anything special.
March Birthday: You know what, that's just great.
Never Married stood up again and moved back across the room once again to the table closest to the entrance of the cafe, without bothering to bring her book; she'd already closed the book without marking the page.
Married Twice stared at Never Married as she moved, then picked up the book and followed her back to the front of the cafe and stood in front of her table.
Married Twice: You forgot your book.
Never Married: I don't even care. I just want to be left alone.
Married Twice: You said that you've been alone for almost your entire life, why would you want me to leave you alone?
Never Married: Because I don't like you.
Married Twice: But you don't even know me.
Never Married: I know enough about you to know that I don't want to get to know you.
Married Twice: Where are you from?
Never Married: Why do you keep on asking me questions? I've already told you that I don't like you and I don't want to get to know you, so why do you keep on trying to get to know me?
Married Twice: Just answer the question and see what happens.
Never Married: Okay, okay, fine. I'm from Helenville.
Married Twice: Oh wow, that's a small town.
Never Married: Yeah, sure, whatever.
Married Twice: I'm from Milwaukee.
She looked up at him, but the irritation had disappeared momentarily. She was now interested in what he had to say.
Helenville: Really? Wow, I've only been outside of Helenville a few times, and I've always wanted to go to Milwaukee. I really want to go to the Haggerty.
Milwaukee: The art museum?
Helenville: Yes!
Milwaukee: Hah! It's funny that you mention that! I'm a professor at Marquette, so I'm granted free admission to the Haggerty whenever I want.
Helenville: Really?
Milwaukee: Yes really, if you ever want to go I'd be more than happy to take you.
Helenville: That sounds lovely.
Milwaukee: You know it's still early, so if you're not too busy, you're more than welcome to come with me and see downtown Milwaukee.
Helenville paused, taking Milwaukee's offer into consideration. First, she had an important question to ask.
Helenville: What's your name?
Milwaukee: I thought you'd never ask, I'm Ted. What's your name?
Helenville: I'm Sandra.
Sandra paused again before slowly saying
Sandra: It's nice to meet you Ted.
Ted: Pleased to meet you as well, Sandra.
Sandra paused again and took one final glance at her closed book.
Sandra: Well, Ted, now that you mention it, I'm not busy at all.
Ted: One busy person to another, you do not strike me as a busy person.
Sandra: You don't say.
Ted: Then again, different things mean different things to different people.
Blue eyes met green eyes, and she finally met his sincere smile with her own.
Ted: Shall we?
Sandra: Sure, why not?
She stands and walks out of the cafe with him, leaving her book on the table. It wasn't worth reading anyway.
A young woman is seated at the table closest to the door. Legs crossed and head bowed, she appears uninterested but her dim blue eyes are somehow buried in a book entitled “Don't Bother”; the author's name sits underneath the title in tiny letters, but to the naked eye is illegible due to it's loopy and consolidated type-face. Though her head is buried, her eyes don't move, as if she is reading the same sentence or the same word over and over again.
Cafe FU(N) is empty except for blue eyes, but she isn't bothered by it.
A young man enters, sporting bright and curious green eyes and a warm smile. All necessary information about the cafe is right in front of him, but he still feels the need to look around. His bright eyes meet the tip of her buried head. He doesn't know her name, but that doesn't seem at all important. He decides to approach her.
Green Eyes: Hi there!
Her blues eyes remained situated in the exact same spot and the greeting is met with no response, but he speaks again.
Green Eyes: How are you doing?
Without changing the position of her eyes, she responds; Busy is what I am and how I'm doing.
Green Eyes chuckles sincerely. Blue Eyes is not at all amused. Failing to take the hint, Green Eyes continues: Busy! It's the only way to be!
Blue Eyes doesn't appear to agree or disagree with the statement.
Green Eyes: Anyway! One busy person to another, would you mind if I sat down?
Her blue eyes finally lift to meet his bright green ones with great irritation.
Blue Eyes: Yes, I do.
Green Eyes: Sorry?
Blue Eyes: Yes, I would mind if you sat down.
Green Eyes: I'm not sure I understand. Is that a 'yes'?
Blue Eyes: Not at all. It's in fact a 'no'.
Green Eyes: No? Why can't I sit here?
Blue Eyes: Because I don't want you to sit here. I'm sitting here.
Green Eyes: I see you sitting here, that's why I want to sit here.
Blue Eyes: There are five other empty tables, why won't you sit at one of those?
Green Eyes: Because I want to sit at this table.
Blue Eyes: You know what, fine, go ahead, you may sit at this table.
Green Eyes continues to smile and slowly sits down. As soon as he does, Blue Eyes picks up her book and moves to the next table over, and after sitting down, re-crosses her legs and re-buries her eyes in the book. Green Eyes is confused and can't seem to imagine why anyone wouldn't want to talk to him. Green Eyes reacted as he always does when he's confused; he investigates what it was that was confusing. He stands up from the table, moves to the next table over and stands across from Blue Eyes. Her blues eyes meet his green eyes once again.
Blue Eyes: You asked me if you could sit at that table, and I said yes.
Green Eyes: You did.
Blue Eyes: So, why are you no longer sitting at that table?
Green Eyes: I'm not satisfied with that table.
Blue Eyes: And why not?
Green Eyes: Because I want to sit at this table.
Blue Eyes: Why do you now want to sit at this table?
Green Eyes: Because you are sitting at this table.
Blue Eyes: I know I'm sitting at this table.
Green Eyes: May I sit at this table?
Blue Eyes: No you may not.
Green Eyes: Why not?
Blue Eyes: Because I'm sitting at this table.
Green Eyes: I know, and that's why I would like to sit at this table.
Blue Eyes: I know that, but the fact that I am sitting at this table is exactly why you may not sit at this table.
Green Eyes, still failing to take the hint, points out the obvious.
Green Eyes: You're stubborn.
Blue Eyes: Excuse me?
Green Eyes: I said you're stubborn. A lot like my dog. Do you have a dog?
Blue Eyes: No, I hate dogs. I'm a cat lover.
Eye color is no longer the definitive characteristic differentiating the two people. Dog Lover continues to pester Cat Lover.
Dog Lover: What is it that you're busy with this evening.
Cat Lover: Things.
Dog Lover: What sort of things?
Cat Lover: Important things.
Dog Lover: Tell me more about these important things.
Cat Lover: No.
Dog Lover: If you can't tell me what it is that makes these things important, then they aren't really important, are they?
Cat Lover: Why are you asking so many questions?
Dog Lover: There's an important thing! One busy person to another, it's important to ask questions.
Cat Lover: I guess so.
Dog Lover: So, may I sit here?
Cat Lover: Yes, go ahead and sit here, see what happens.
Dog Lover: Thank you.
Cat Lover: Sure.
Dog Lover sits once again, as Cat Lover, once again, gathers her things and moves to the next table over. Alone at the table, once again, Dog Lover remains confident and also moves to the next table over.
Dog Lover: When were you born?
Cat Lover: What?
Dog Lover: I said, when were you born?
Cat Lover: I know, I heard you. Why do you keep on bothering me?
Dog Lover: Am I bothering you?
Cat Lover: Yes, in case you haven't already noticed.
Dog Lover: In addition to being busy, I'm a very curious person, so just answer my question, in what month were you born?
Cat Lover: March.
Dog Lover: Great! I was born in June!
March Birthday: Okay.
June Birthday: So, can I sit at this table?
March Birthday, without answering the question, closes her book and moves to yet another empty table, this time on the opposite end of the room. June Birthday's confidence is not at all diminished, and he follows March Birthday to her new location. March Birthday, well aware of June Birthday's intentions, immediately switched tables again. This pattern continued until both March Birthday and June Birthday had moved in between all six tables inside the cafe. March Birthday was now seated at the table closest to the counter, with June Birthday standing at the opposite end of the table.
March Birthday: Okay, this is getting ridiculous.
June Birthday: I don't understand, you and I appear to be the only two people inside this cafe, why don't you want to talk to me.
March Birthday: Just because you're the only other person inside this cafe doesn't necessarily mean that you're the kind of person I want to talk to.
June Birthday: Were you ever married?
March Birthday: WHAT?
June Birthday: Wer-
March Birthday: I know, I know, I heard you! No! You happy? I've never been married! I've been alone for almost my whole life.
June Birthday: That's unfortunate. I've been married twice, and neither marriage was anything special.
March Birthday: You know what, that's just great.
Never Married stood up again and moved back across the room once again to the table closest to the entrance of the cafe, without bothering to bring her book; she'd already closed the book without marking the page.
Married Twice stared at Never Married as she moved, then picked up the book and followed her back to the front of the cafe and stood in front of her table.
Married Twice: You forgot your book.
Never Married: I don't even care. I just want to be left alone.
Married Twice: You said that you've been alone for almost your entire life, why would you want me to leave you alone?
Never Married: Because I don't like you.
Married Twice: But you don't even know me.
Never Married: I know enough about you to know that I don't want to get to know you.
Married Twice: Where are you from?
Never Married: Why do you keep on asking me questions? I've already told you that I don't like you and I don't want to get to know you, so why do you keep on trying to get to know me?
Married Twice: Just answer the question and see what happens.
Never Married: Okay, okay, fine. I'm from Helenville.
Married Twice: Oh wow, that's a small town.
Never Married: Yeah, sure, whatever.
Married Twice: I'm from Milwaukee.
She looked up at him, but the irritation had disappeared momentarily. She was now interested in what he had to say.
Helenville: Really? Wow, I've only been outside of Helenville a few times, and I've always wanted to go to Milwaukee. I really want to go to the Haggerty.
Milwaukee: The art museum?
Helenville: Yes!
Milwaukee: Hah! It's funny that you mention that! I'm a professor at Marquette, so I'm granted free admission to the Haggerty whenever I want.
Helenville: Really?
Milwaukee: Yes really, if you ever want to go I'd be more than happy to take you.
Helenville: That sounds lovely.
Milwaukee: You know it's still early, so if you're not too busy, you're more than welcome to come with me and see downtown Milwaukee.
Helenville paused, taking Milwaukee's offer into consideration. First, she had an important question to ask.
Helenville: What's your name?
Milwaukee: I thought you'd never ask, I'm Ted. What's your name?
Helenville: I'm Sandra.
Sandra paused again before slowly saying
Sandra: It's nice to meet you Ted.
Ted: Pleased to meet you as well, Sandra.
Sandra paused again and took one final glance at her closed book.
Sandra: Well, Ted, now that you mention it, I'm not busy at all.
Ted: One busy person to another, you do not strike me as a busy person.
Sandra: You don't say.
Ted: Then again, different things mean different things to different people.
Blue eyes met green eyes, and she finally met his sincere smile with her own.
Ted: Shall we?
Sandra: Sure, why not?
She stands and walks out of the cafe with him, leaving her book on the table. It wasn't worth reading anyway.
Ones
One, please.
How much is one?
One what?
One of these?
One too many
One short
One day at one time
each one time specific to each one day
From one person
to another one
one thing
always leads to other ones
How much is one?
One what?
One of these?
One too many
One short
One day at one time
each one time specific to each one day
From one person
to another one
one thing
always leads to other ones
Nuclear Friends & Family
Get em while they're hot
and bothered
bit of an eyesore
quite an inconvenience
never a good idea
We're big
but we sure as hell ain't happy
and bothered
bit of an eyesore
quite an inconvenience
never a good idea
We're big
but we sure as hell ain't happy
PROFANE
Most profane of all
he looked like Frankenstein
(yes, Dr. Frankenstein)
only had one button on his jacket
and he didn't even button it correctly
walked around in a circle
saying the exact same thing
over
and over
again
Tyler Perry
Black Shakespeare
Tyler Perry
Black Shakespeare
he looked like Frankenstein
(yes, Dr. Frankenstein)
only had one button on his jacket
and he didn't even button it correctly
walked around in a circle
saying the exact same thing
over
and over
again
Tyler Perry
Black Shakespeare
Tyler Perry
Black Shakespeare
Oddjobs
Married to the mob
not in Vegas
not in Rome
don't tell Detroit I'm coming
I have my mind set
on pseudonyms in San Francisco
not in Vegas
not in Rome
don't tell Detroit I'm coming
I have my mind set
on pseudonyms in San Francisco
Scorpio
Scorpio
way to go
pre-nuptial
dis and agree
here I go
there you go
congratulations
and fuck you
way to go
Scorpio
way to go
pre-nuptial
dis and agree
here I go
there you go
congratulations
and fuck you
way to go
Scorpio
Sleep
The greatest and only decision I've ever made in regards to whatever the hell kind of creativity I posses, was to be treated for insomnia. While undergoing treatment, I did various things, but I never did the one thing that I actually was supposed to be doing; sleeping.
The door holds something ancient and holy. A goddess or a demigoddess. A demoness the more I think about it. This door that I speak of is simply the door to my room. Does this mean that I'm being guarded by this ancient and holy demoness? No, she never lets me leave my room, she is no guardian. The other side of the door houses two rather hairy gentlemen. I believe that I am being watched by these ancient, holy, hairy demons and demonesses, but that's only as far as my bedroom goes.
The second door, I see an unfortunate looking family of three waiting for what I will go ahead and assume is a chance to use the restroom and I say that only because the door that I'm describing is the door to my restroom. Things are beginning to change and the unfortunate family is replaced by brutish men, walking this way and that, back and forth, back and forth. Once again, this is just the door to my bathroom.
The garden oddly enough appears to be a home for something other than plants. I take another look. It's not a home, it's a graveyard. People are extraordinarily crafted from all there was in the garden, grass and flowers. These people, yes I'm sure they are people, and they are suffering. This garden is only the garden right outside my apartment.
The door holds something ancient and holy. A goddess or a demigoddess. A demoness the more I think about it. This door that I speak of is simply the door to my room. Does this mean that I'm being guarded by this ancient and holy demoness? No, she never lets me leave my room, she is no guardian. The other side of the door houses two rather hairy gentlemen. I believe that I am being watched by these ancient, holy, hairy demons and demonesses, but that's only as far as my bedroom goes.
The second door, I see an unfortunate looking family of three waiting for what I will go ahead and assume is a chance to use the restroom and I say that only because the door that I'm describing is the door to my restroom. Things are beginning to change and the unfortunate family is replaced by brutish men, walking this way and that, back and forth, back and forth. Once again, this is just the door to my bathroom.
The garden oddly enough appears to be a home for something other than plants. I take another look. It's not a home, it's a graveyard. People are extraordinarily crafted from all there was in the garden, grass and flowers. These people, yes I'm sure they are people, and they are suffering. This garden is only the garden right outside my apartment.
1/22/10
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